As you can see in this picture, he chews on tree limbs for fun, he is 30 feet tall and eats people too. (Plus he doesn’t bark, making him the ultimate monster)
Filed under: Beastly Files | Tags: archive, Burgers, Burglar, colton would like to date the hamburglar, commercial, Ham, Hamburglar, heart attack, mcdonald commercial, monster, obesity, scientists, special, stream, sunday, Sunday Special
Yes it’s already time to bring another monster to light.
Sunday is a special day, specially for monsters so we had to choose a special monster for Sunday.
Hamburglar
Yup… The hamburglar, no one knows too much about it’s origin or it’s current location but it’s diet consists of a steady stream of McDonald’s hamburgers. It can be spotted in old archived McDonald commercials. Scientists believe that this is a deceased monster and most likely died from obesity or heart attack.
Filed under: Beastly Files | Tags: 9 years, babies, beast, big pockets, black dog, daily, liver, monster, scientists, super scientists, the daily beast, tooty
The Fuscharupamiki Tooty has had 9 different sightings in the past 9 years and all sightings were on the 29th of February at about 8-12 in the morning and night local times. Awkwardly all the sightings had also happened when a meteor strike has just happened.
The descriptions change very very slightly with every sighting but all scientists who have studied have both agreed that it looks like a monster for sure and very definitely, but maybe not, we’re not … oh .. they’re not sure. The descriptions who have been studied by the team of highly trained scientiest have agreed that all 9 descriptions have concluded the following description: It has very akward eyes at the back of the head along with alot of other charectiristics which should be in the front of the head. It has the legs of a giraffe all spotty and stuff. The tail of the black dog(the european beast) which has spikes on it known to hypnotize women and babies together and then give him the livers of the said people and then he puts them in a little black box which he carries around in his pocket, it is rumoured that he has big pockets. He has the head of a mushroom moth like it has the mushroom shape but it has the characteristics of a moth monster. It’s last location was somewhere in northern Russia. It is somewhere in the area between the 3 Russian villages of Это не реально, Reh Dogg, корма. The area where the monster is most likely residing is called the Rehforafake triangle of death. No babies or women have come out of it with their livers intact.
Filed under: Beastly Files | Tags: 3, box, butter, excavation, flaming, fleeing, greenland, lunch, mechanical, mega, minions, monster, nuclear reactor, scientists, search, supreme, the daily beast, theory, toast, voyage, zombies
This is Musafa’s monster.
Speculations and rumors have led to the generalization and description of the following monster.
The old Spanish Indians use to tell a story to their young about a horrible monster who was created by the evil Dr. Badofomous who created this horrid ,horrid beast for the use of planetary destruction. The creature who was named after Badofomous was assigned to destroy the friendly and peaceful planet of Etheo Mania when with it’s super mega vision of death it spotted a wonderful sight, Earth’s bunnies. Then he decided to abandon his maiden voyage and travel to Earth to play with the bunnies. He tried to make love to the bunnies but ended up destroying Earth’s bunny race, with the global community outraged at the monster’s actions they decided to destroy it. He tried to fight back but his computing had him programmed to run away after a set amount of time of fighting, he fled toward the north pole at a super sonic speed destroying everything in his path…
Thousands of years have passed and the 3 scientists who have been following it’s history and progress since then have concluded that it is 200 feet tall, 63 feet wide and 25 feet long, a behemoth, it has a body that looks like a monstrously huge oven and the head appendage closely resembles a vending machine of ridiculous proportions. His right hand resembles a toaster and during the war it was recorded that the toaster hand shot flaming radioactive butter toast. His other hand resembles a lunch box that holds a nuclear reactor. Rumor has it that during the war he used some sort of zombie control unit to control armies of zombies/minions to aide him in his fight but the team of scientists is split on whether it is true or not.
The 3 scientists who have studied this beast have concluded that it fled towards what is now Greenland. Numerous searches and voyages and excavations have been undertaken by an elite monster search unit but nothing has showed up, the scientists are set on the Greenland theory and have recently suggested that he is probably under Greenland.
Filed under: Beastly Files | Tags: beast, class, coke, college, conspiracy, cool, daily, firebreathing hobos, goverment, government class, links, monster, pepsi, procrastination, the, the daily beast, theory
My name is Andy Harris(the typer at the moment) and the guy sitting next to me is Robert Paulson. We are suppose to be working/studying on our college psychology class but one thing led to another, links were clicked, thoughts were spoken and now we both agree that monsters are cool and we have agreed on starting a blog which will consist of a daily posting of a brand new conspiracy theory about a new monster that we make up. Uhmm nothing much else to say except coke is better than pepsi.
Filed under: Beastly Files
The Sholuchian Beast of a Monster
It resembles the body of a black sea serpent and the head of an old Chinese man. Witnesses of this monster have stated that it does talk in riddles in a strange language that resembles Latin. It resides mostly in the European seas but has been seen all over the world. Rumor has it that a strange black film moving extremely fast and was very long had passed next to the titanic before it bit the Titanic’s hull and made it crash into a iceberg and sunk but that’s very skeptical. He is rumored to be 30 feet long and extremely agile and it outran the extreme jet boats at the extreme jet boat race in nova Scotia. The earliest sighting was in 1200bc in the Nile river where an Egyptian named Sholuchian spotted it and named it then was eaten by it and so was his family and so was the village and it was called the Sholuchian massacre of a beast of a monster… The next sightings have been exactly 50 years apart from each other which hints at a obscure slumber pattern and it is rumored to live in an underwater cave where other sea monsters also rumored to reside, the coordinates are 67,14,132,158,12,#54883code99122pw995aoodllajd,395,1992,19245,usernamepoopenfacen,oops,1200,1200049959942234989812:59pm~ it is rumored that you can see the cave from a sharp and tall and slippery cliff of death in the edge of Crete and on summer’s eve on the year that resides double digits of a 0 at midnight a whirlpool will form and suck in the island of Crete into it’s very dark and deep abyss.
The Daily Beast 