The Daily Beast

The Nothing. by Aldo Otero
October 8, 2011, 12:46
Filed under: Beastly Files

We don't look like this.

It’s been a while. As you can see in the picture, we’ve been gone long enough for a beard to grow in. One of us has even acquired a hat, with a feather sticking out of it. Yes, as you can see, we have done alright for ourselves, beard and hat.

I got a phone call yesterday from a man named Colton, formerly Robert Paulson. He was keen to pitch an idea for a script. Mustaches, guns, and old people, these things would make for the core idea for our new project.  I told him he was insane and I had nothing in the world I would rather do than focus on a project that involved the shooting of old mustached people.

So to my basic ideas on the movie:

Revolves around two friends. We’ll call one Robert and the other Andy, for the time being that is.

Robert, white guy. Early 20s, has a job which he hates, family, and the such. Truthfully, robert hasn’t been thought out yet too much. But I will add to it over time.

Andy, will be of a different ethnicity to Robert, as I am to Colton. Same age range. Has no job, and is flat out broke. Living off of his parents, and is extremely lazy. This is starting to sound familiar. Andy has a problem with his nihilism and some leftover teenage angst. No matter what he ends up doing he can’t seem to find enough enjoyment out of it. Robert’s outlook on the world will be a bit different, where he sees where they live as too noisy, but not in a vibrant way. The color and feel of the movie will reflect that, specially as the story progresses, mostly gray/cloudy/rainy/windy/cold days whilst in the town which they dislike. As they traverse through adventure and start to find joy as they get toward their disillusioned goal, the movie and scenery will brighten.

I think the setting could fit into a small city, not too small of a town or anything. Pretty diverse and the such.  More detail to follow.

So there are a few elements to the plot in mind:

The first few minutes or so could be a quick run through of the typical day the guys usually experience, while the credits roll.  The first real conversation of the movie could be andy and robert discussing a total disgust for their current situations. They have grown tired of it and find it so dull that every day seems to run into the next and its always gray. They figure that they should move but don’t give it much thought. The movie then starts setting up the reason for the move, they have an exponentially bad day and the such. I should probably do a little outline thing.

I. Intro/Credits, Quick run through of the typical day for rob and andy(Day 1)

II. Conversation discussing the current situation that they have found themselves. Bad day for both of them. at the end of the day, they are both hanging out and decide that they will move and they decide on moving [to the most boring town in the united states.](Day 2).

III. They decide that before they leave the current town, they will do what they have always wanted, offend who they hate the most, and so on. Pretty much just destroying their lives, and disposing of their friends and what not. Being bad people. (Day 3)

IV. At this point I’m running out of juice. Quite literally, I have almost finished my tea, so I will quit here, but at this point this is where they would start meeting people along their journey, through which those experiences will help them see that they don’t actually want to do nothing for the rest of the lives.

Oh yeah, their main goal of moving is so that can do absolutely nothing, living a life of total nothingness. I am thinking that through the trip and what not they find characters and experiences that makes them see otherwise by the time they get to their final destination.

P.S. I know no one reads this, but in case someone ever does. We don’t look anything like that picture I did in MS Paint. just in case.

Oscar by coltonjakob
October 30, 2007, 21:10
Filed under: Beastly Files | Tags: ,


As you can see in this picture, he chews on tree limbs for fun, he is 30 feet tall and eats people too. (Plus he doesn’t bark, making him the ultimate monster)

The Readerlessblob Monster by coltonjakob
October 29, 2007, 10:30
Filed under: Beastly Files | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Readerlessblob Monster

This monster is a blob; it has no legs, no arms, no head, no sex organs, no appetite, it scares people with it’s lame readlessness. All scientist that have studied this monster both wonder “Why does it even exsist?” “What idiots created this readerless crap?” “I sure hope they don’t kill themselves.” It is rumored to be located second to last when you search for “The Daily Beast” on It grows bigger once a day………………’s depressing.

hey wait a second……………….Andy isn’t this our blog……… Damnit

Hamburglar by Aldo Otero

Yes it’s already time to bring another monster to light.

Sunday is a special day, specially for monsters so we had to choose a special monster for Sunday.


Yup… The hamburglar, no one knows too much about it’s origin or it’s current location but it’s diet consists of a steady stream of McDonald’s hamburgers. It can be spotted in old archived McDonald commercials. Scientists believe that this is a deceased monster and most likely died from obesity or heart attack.

Fuscharupamiki Tooty by Aldo Otero

The Fuscharupamiki Tooty has had 9 different sightings in the past 9 years and all sightings were on the 29th of February at about 8-12 in the morning and night local times. Awkwardly all the sightings had also happened when a meteor strike has just happened.

The descriptions change very very slightly with every sighting but all scientists who have studied have both agreed that it looks like a monster for sure and very definitely, but maybe not, we’re not … oh .. they’re not sure. The descriptions who have been studied by the team of highly trained scientiest have agreed that all 9 descriptions have concluded the following description:    It has very akward eyes at the back of the head along with alot of other charectiristics which should be in the front of the head. It has the legs of a giraffe all spotty and stuff. The tail of the black dog(the european beast) which has spikes on it known to hypnotize women and babies together and then give him the livers of the said people and then he puts them in a little black box which he carries around in his pocket, it is rumoured that he has big pockets. He has the head of a mushroom moth like it has the mushroom shape but it has the characteristics of a moth monster. It’s last location was somewhere in northern Russia. It is somewhere in the area between the 3 Russian villages of Это не реально, Reh Dogg, корма. The area where the monster is most likely residing is called the Rehforafake triangle of death. No babies or women have come out of it with their livers intact.

MegaMechanicalSupreme Monster of Badofumous by Aldo Otero

This is Musafa’s monster.

Speculations and rumors have led to the generalization and description of the following monster.

The old Spanish Indians use to tell a story to their young about a horrible monster who was created by the evil Dr. Badofomous who created this horrid ,horrid beast for the use of planetary destruction. The creature who was named after Badofomous was assigned to destroy the friendly and peaceful planet of Etheo Mania when with it’s super mega vision of death it spotted a wonderful sight, Earth’s bunnies. Then he decided to abandon his maiden voyage and travel to Earth to play with the bunnies. He tried to make love to the bunnies but ended up destroying Earth’s bunny race, with the global community outraged at the monster’s actions they decided to destroy it. He tried to fight back but his computing had him programmed to run away after a set amount of time of fighting, he fled toward the north pole at a super sonic speed destroying everything in his path…

Thousands of years have passed and the 3 scientists who have been following it’s history and progress since then have concluded that it is 200 feet tall, 63 feet wide and 25 feet long, a behemoth, it has a body that looks like a monstrously huge oven and the head appendage closely resembles a vending machine of ridiculous proportions. His right hand resembles a toaster and during the war it was recorded that the toaster hand shot flaming radioactive butter toast. His other hand resembles a lunch box that holds a nuclear reactor. Rumor has it that during the war he used some sort of zombie control unit to control armies of zombies/minions to aide him in his fight but the team of scientists is split on whether it is true or not.

The 3 scientists who have studied this beast have concluded that it fled towards what is now Greenland. Numerous searches and voyages and excavations have been undertaken by an elite monster search unit but nothing has showed up, the scientists are set on the Greenland theory and have recently suggested that he is probably under Greenland.

The First Sighting… by Aldo Otero

My name is Andy Harris(the typer at the moment) and the guy sitting next to me is Robert Paulson. We are suppose to be working/studying on our college psychology class but one thing led to another, links were clicked, thoughts were spoken and now we both agree that monsters are cool and we have agreed on starting a blog which will consist of a daily posting of a brand new conspiracy theory about a new monster that we make up. Uhmm nothing much else to say except coke is better than pepsi.